I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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