His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
