I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
