I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
