I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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