i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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