then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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