I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
