lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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