I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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