I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
