he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
