i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
