you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
