I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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