I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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