At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
