Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There r osticjed everywhere
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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