I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
