he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
