Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
