my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
