so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
