I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
