ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
