I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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