it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
