you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
