After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
