my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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