She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
