I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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