didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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