Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
