that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
