All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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