i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.