Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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