Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
