Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
