her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
