Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
