He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
