I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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