I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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