Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
