whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
