I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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