What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
