I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
