he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
