you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
