the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
