It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
