And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize