man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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