He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
