my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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