I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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