I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
