I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
