He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
