I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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