Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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