I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my poor anus
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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