Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
