i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
