I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
