Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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