Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
