so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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