Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
