Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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