so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
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Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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