So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
