I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
