my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
