i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
