honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
