Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
