So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
