can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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