end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
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We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
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Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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