also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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