GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize