i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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